A Blog about Career Changes, Madness, and My Awful Brain

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Chemo is death. Chemo is life.

I'm sorry I haven't given another good update in a while. A lot has happened, and I've been feeling sick, and still trying to manage all of the homework I have to do. So far, so good. However, in trying to get stuff done, I've been pretty bad at keeping everyone here updated.

Well, here is the long and short of it. I god a port surgically put into my arm, as shown in the pretty picture, last thursday. Then this Tuesday, I had my first show of chemo....a mix called FOLFOX that contains 5FLU, Leuvocorin, and Oxalipatin. I go in, sit for 3 or 4 hours while they fill me full of poison, then they attach a pump that gives me a flow of 5FLU for the next 48 hours.

This will be happening for every 2 weeks for the next 2 months. After that, I get radiation and chemo for a another 5 weeks....this is when it gets really hardcore. Because of the already sterilizing potion that is chemo, my baby makers already don't stand a chance. Now add high doses of radiation that low (rectal tumour, remember?) and my swimmers are going to all be dead or have 8 heads. I'm sure Bevin won't even want to give those little guys a chance lol.

After the radiation, I get a week or two of recovery, I think, and thats when I get the surgery. They cut the tumour out and a nice piece of the colon too. Yep, colostomy time. I am not looking forward to it. The last thing I need is two assholes. Oh well, whatever I gotta do to survive, I will do. Then after that, another 2 months of chemo.

Then after I've healed and hopefully recovered from cancer and the rest of the shit I will get, they might be able to reconnect the colon, although my doctor made it clear with it being so lows, there is not a very good chance of that happening.

So now that you know about all the specfic details, what about me? How am I doing?

Well...I'm okay. I feel sick as a dog, but better than I thought I would. The medication I'm taking helps a lot, so I dont feel too much nausea (though I still have some). I've been hiccuping like crazy, and I get weird flushing feelings.....but apart from a general sort of mailaise and fatigue, I'm not so bad. I won''t get too cocky, but I'm hoping to go to school tomoorow...if I can do that, then chemo will have lost it's round of keeping me down. Fingers crossed.

People, I'm going to take a little time right now and be comlpletely honest with. I'm taking some drugs right now that's making me sort of emotional (that's my excuse, so fuck off if you don't believe it). But I want to tell you that I honest to goodness cry when I get your messages, your letters of support, and when you tell me your remembering me. If you all even knew how much I love you then you'd cry too (or be awkward around me...whichever works for you.).

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For thinking about me. For praying for me. For sending me good vibes. For giving me hope. For helping change me into a person I can respect. If something has to come from this, let it be a closesness with all of you who have my back.

You guys inspire me with your strength.


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